Day 15 - First trip out the house

How amazing that for two whole weeks we did not leave the house, and we did not put little M in the car! But today, we did our first trip out the house.

Please note if I felt it wasn't in our interest to do it - I wouldn't have done it.

Our first trip was to our 2 week midwife check up appointment - at the clinic.

Thankfully only a 12 minute drive and a quick appointment in a calm lovely space.

We had this appointment scheduled as part of our pregnancy & postpartum care from our midwife, but I also particularly wanted her to listen to his lungs given he is coughing.

The approach currently is to let him work through it - lots of nursing, skin to skin and rest. And of course, monitor - monitor breathing and if it worsens, or fever. So far he is otherwise completely normal, except for this cough every now and then. Elba seems to be coughing less - I am grateful that it seems she is working through it quickly.

What leaving the house for the first time means

Thankfully my friend C was still around to help us in the morning - she took Elba out to play a bit. This helped that the morning was calm, because the first trip out the house means a few firsts:

• First time putting on clothes that aren't PJs (I wore Pact organic cotton maternity tights.

• First time packing a diaper bag in about 1.5 years.

• First time putting little M in his car seat & adjusting the straps and seeing how he fits and likes it.

• First time not sitting next to my babies while we drive (because there isn't enough space at the back anymore).

The reality - Ian pulled over so I could check that little M was comfortable in his seat. He was initially a bit upset about the seat and then fell asleep.

Why this matters

In our current society people may roll their eyes at someone making a big deal out of a first trip out the house with a new baby - I wish they didn't.

Of course, women CAN do this. But with each birth - you birth a new you that is still finding your feet in this new body and roll. To act like that and everything that comes with it isn't a big deal is a huge disservice to women and IMO contributes to many of the societal problems we have in our modern women. It isn't about whether women CAN - it is about whether it is good for them to do so and how it impacts on a little baby who is adjusting to the world outside the womb. So even if it doesn't feel like a big deal for women (it should) - it is also a really big deal for baby.

I am grateful our checkups were at home for the first week and then also in a clinic that has a very gentle homey feel to it. Not a hospital feel. Not a huge building. Not a lot of walking or noise or smells.

With our midwife Maddy

A space where my other kiddo is welcome and can play...

And my favourite part of going to the clinic is seeing the list of babies that were born the previous month - and this time we get to see little M!!!

Toddler feels

Today our precious toddler has so many feels that are coming out. And we are here - encouraging her to let them out. To cry and feel her sadness in loving arms.

This I think is the aftermath of us not having been as attentive and patient with her as we would want to be in this adjustment time. It is hard on a normal day to show up as the parents we want to be ... it has been so much more challenging as we adjust and try figure things out with 2.

But also just... this is a lot of change for a little girl who has had me be there for her every single day since she was born. Since she was born, I have been away from her once for 1.5 hours to an appointment and only recently. This was intentional - the first 3 years of littles lives are so critical, and I made sure to be with her. I don't think forcing separation because it is coming (in the name of preparing her) is a good idea - I think the best prep for her was all of me and more of me, so that her cup is filled up as things change. And here we are at the change - it is sad for me when she cries that I can't just pick her up and hold her. That I now need to find a way to tend to two. Sad for me, but also beautiful asking someone else to hold that space for her - Ian or my friend.

I feel like I keep saying this - but we are figuring it out... I keep saying it because I think that's all we can really do. We can do our best, have the days experiences and then reflect on how we want to do things differently and then we try that. And we just keep figuring it out... because that is the point...

to experience life... with our littles. Not to be perfect. But to keep being present and reflect and adaptable.

A rare sight - Little M in his bassinet

We pretty much hold him the whole time - and not you can't spoil a baby. No, you can't hold them too much. Your body is their survival and safety - it is what is best for them in this time.

He briefly goes in the bassinet while I eat. But realistically he gets held and we take turns eating.

Nourishment

Ian put some (extra) effort and intention into the food today and did a while thing to make a pasta with more flavour.

It was lovely (oh and his broth on the side of course).

General Update

1. Still bleeding - this is a bit annoying now.

2. Still slow digestion - also annoying, but oh well. So, relying on milk of magnesia every now and then (at least not daily).

3. M & E are both still coughing, but Elba seems a bit better.

4. I took a short nap. I actually haven't been napping as much this time as I did with E. Maybe because I want to spend time with my family, read and also, I am writing these blogs (they take up a chunk of time I hope you like them :) - p.s. comments are welcome in the box at the end).

And concluding remark - the fort was packed up and the play couches arranged into a slightly higher couch than usual - I prefer this! Standing up from a very low couch holding M is not easy. I love that we don't have normal furniture, but in this current phase it is a bit harder to get up from such low surfaces (we also have a floor bed).

Okay see you on Day 16.