Day 29 - Will I ever not be over-stimulated? & a photo of me in my new bra (4 week PP body)

Carmen Fourie
Feb 20
7 min read

Maybe a bit of a dramatic title, but that is the thoughts I've been having.... but beautifully I just picked up my phone and read a message from a friend that offered perspective I forgot about amidst all the changes...

I keep saying this is a sensitive time... how could I forget that when I keep saying it? Forget that we are literally hormonally wired in this time of having a baby to be more sensitive and dare I say - anxious. It is what helps us be in tune to their needs, pick up if something is wrong, consider safety elements for them and more...

Now take that and add it to me - my usual state is one of heightened sensitivity.

Woman on a couch reads books with a child and baby, creating a cozy, calm atmosphere. Books and toys surround them in a bright room.

Being highly sensitive

I've been highly sensitive my whole life, which means I know how to life my life that allows me to feel at peace, how to recover from stressful situations, and how to use being sensitive to my advantage - I'm good at my profession (conflict, negotiation, labour disputes) because I am able to pick up on emotional subtleties thanks to my sensitivity. I say that so we remember - being sensitive is not a bad thing.

But what is problematic is going through this highly sensitive period and/or being a sensitive person and operating in an environment or a way that causes over stimulation (regularly without recovery).

As an example - I live in the suburbs. I find inner city life way too overstimulating. I avoid malls if I can because of the bright artificial lights, so many different strong scents, and the many people everywhere. Even better for me would be living more rural in nature. I don't think this is unique to me - I think we all feel better in nature. But some of us are just more impacted by the busy city life than others.

I've been saying for a few days I need to change my perspective - I've known it is off, but haven't quite placed my finger on what it is... I realize now... even though I've been saying this is a sensitive time, I haven't really absorbed that as my reality. I keep thinking "I should feel" a certain way or I "shouldn't be affected by...". It would serve me best to stop "shoud-ing myself" and accept my reality.

Child playing drums with kitchen bowls and utensils on a carpeted floor. Cozy living room setting with wooden furniture in the background.

Today my sweet girl played "drums" for hours. I so badly just wanted to enjoy it and see how happy it made her, but I couldn't. It was really difficult for me to be around, so I kept my distance. And felt so sad when she called "mamma come watch me play drums".

This made me think of how my parents somehow never complained about me & my sister singing at the top of our lungs in the car, played probably the most annoying instrument on earth (the recorder) and how I regularly played our out of tune farm piano making up songs and practicing scales...

I've spent a lot of time since M was born in this mindset of knowing the kind of parent I want to be, but struggling and then being hard on myself... I share this because I think this is something many moms can relate to?

But right now, what I am expecting of myself is not entirely reasonable, and then because I am holding on so tightly to how I am supposed to be it is so much less graceful than if I just accepted my current state.

New baby time is a sensitive time. In other cultures, other women would take care of your other children while you adjusted. So of course, it makes sense that I struggle with being overstimulated when I have a toddler asking me 10 million questions or singing at the top of her lungs or unpacking everything she sees, while I have a baby who is communicating needs to me through wriggling that I am attempting to interpret and tend to. And add in all my thoughts of how I should be.

Person reclines on pillows, holding a sleeping child in a dimly lit room. The mood is peaceful, with soft shadows and neutral colors.

And somehow, I got both babies to sleep tonight.

Home routine and rhythm

You know we have been missing the mark with a reasonable bed time. Tonight we managed to get to bed 2 hours earlier than we have been! But it meant I got both babies to sleep while Ian went back downstairs to pour his broth and shape date balls, and do some cleaning.

We're experimenting with different ways of doing thins - like Ian folded the laundry when taking it out the dryer, where we usually do that upstairs.

Back to putting the babies to sleep - both of them were wriggly and needed some connection. This felt like a lot for me. I wished I could be more graceful. I had the thoughts of "will I ever not be overstimulated by this". But having had a moment to reflect (and share with you through this blog) - I know I will. I will have a time where I am not overstimulated by this. My current reality is not a reflection of how things will "always" be. I am currently in a very sensitive phase, but it won't always be like this. I know this. But I forgot. I know this theoretically (because I am a nerd who reads a lot), but I also know this because after having Elba my sensitivity and anxiety was way higher and it subsided as she got older, but also I learnt how to be with it.

And that is the perspective I need - to accept my current reality and let go of my ideas of "should be". Meet myself and my kids right where we are. Then the grace I desire comes naturally.

Let's see how it goes with a little perspective...

Food things

"We don't need more broth" - Elba.

A large pot of yellow soup simmers on a stovetop at 8:34. The kitchen has a black and silver range, with a small pot nearby.

I had a good laugh at her saying that, because we have been having broth twice a day for nearly a month now. And Ian has been making often. He made some more today.

He also spent time making a bunch of other foods for me - custard, date balls and dinner.

Kitchen scene with bowls of mashed potatoes and black beans on the counter. A child is reaching up near a fridge covered in colorful magnets.

Dinner was mash, homemade gravy and boerewors (South African sausage). With a side of broth of course.

Two blue bowls with mashed potatoes and meat stew on a wooden table. Mugs with drinks, silverware, and a pepper mill complete the cozy setting.

Getting things done

I also realized that I am overstimulated this time, because I am doing so much more than I did when I had Elba. With Elba I just focused on having her and baby stuff. That consumed my whole day every day for 6 weeks. I don't remember doing anything else in that time.

Where this time I have been doing other things - which we technically don't want to be doing in the first 40 days.

BUT it isn't about being strict and having specific rules, it is about checking in with ourselves - what things contribute or help, and what things cause stress and pressure.

Typically organizing would be stressful in a time where we must be resting, not moving about so much, etc. BUT today I feel up for moving about (and no bleeding) and little M seems to want to be on the move with me and not sitting still.

So I decided to organize my office bit by bit (just seeing however much I can do).

It looks wild with all my DIY projects and things...

Cluttered room with sewing machine on desk, messy shelves, open boxes, and scattered fabrics. Bright window light fills the space.

Fabric sorted.

Home office with sewing machine, bookshelves, and stacks of storage boxes. Bright window light. Room appears cluttered yet organized.

And I tended to all the gift bags and tissue paper. I only took a before photo - but it was a lot.

Cluttered room with plastic bins, papers, bags, and a sewing machine. White chair and colorful storage drawers add to the disordered scene.

And I did all that so that tomorrow I can go through my yarn to decide what to crochet for Elba for her birthday. I'll share that tomorrow.

Amazingly I am in a declutter mind so organizing now means I will be better at getting rid of things and being strict about what we actually need to keep. Organizing today felt good - like it is contributing and not stressful. But on a different day it might feel differently, so it comes down to us being aware (and honest) about what we need to do or not do in this time.

For me - while this is a rest and recovery time, and transition time - given that I don't need as much physical healing this time I would also like this time to be a time where we sort a few things out in our lives so that we have a beautiful flow to life when Ian goes back to work.

There is a few things in our lives we've wanted to change and now having two wonderful kiddos - we have additional motivation to turn talk into action. Both of us (me & Ian). And when motivation for change comes - I like to ride that motivation. And when I need rest. I rest (like 1st trimester and last bit of pregnancy was huge rest times for me).

Beautifully Ian asked me yesterday "what more can I do to support you?". This is question is not new in our home, but for the time before this it was me asking it because Ian had a lot he needed to focus on (work and health). And now things have changed again in our home, and we will figure out how best we can support each other in this new time. Marriage is not 50:50 (at least not in our home) we go through different phases of each of us needing more or less. The important part is communicating through it and adjusting to our present needs.

As an example I make my ice coffee in the morning, but squatting while wearing M in the carrier to put the ice container back is something I am avoiding at the moment. So I leave my ice container on the counter and Ian fills it and puts it back so I have ice the next day.

Small example of serving the other and knowing that giving is life enriching and we don't need to worry about the conditioned thinking that the person will always expect this. Over time we've been developing a mutual trust in our relationship of giving (from two people who previously didn't naturally have this trust in others FIY).

P.S. Todays blog is a whole lot of thoughts. I am hoping they are coherent. And just to add that we are figuring things. We do not have anything figured out. Everything we do and change is so live our most wonderful life everyday - not about presenting an illusion of anything.