Day 27 - Unwilling to compromise & why we named him Marshall

And we are back to it being it being usual Calgary cold (feels like -31C today). This is the kind of weather that makes it easy to stay inside and be restful, except of course our little toddler who literally cried to go outside (I love that she wants to play outside).

I am not sure how I will do the trips outside with Elba and Marshall in this cold, but thankfully I don't need to do that today because Ian is home and Elba got to play outside happily.

Dressed for -30C

Merino wool base layers, her usual cotton clothes, sheep skin & deer hide barefoot wrap around shoes we had made for her (see my Barefoot shoe winter video), gloves, mittens, a merino wool balaclava I made and a neck warmer I made from organic cotton fleece.

Ian's been doing great with playing outside with Elba and going to ice skating regularly (indoor and outdoor).

While Marshall and I stay warm inside eating the usual breakfast of sprouted soaked organic oats with wild blueberries and a cup of Ian's broth.

On the note of staying home - I was upstairs with little M when I heard very aggressive loud banging on the door. I rushed down and it was UPS... I get it, it was cold outside, but it reminded that this was something I struggled with when Elba was a baby - trying to get to the door in case it was important. I remember many times considering if we should get a door camera or some kind of two-way speaker system.

I don't think it will happen often this time, because Ian is home now and when he isn't I will probably be downstairs most of the time. But still... it was interesting remembering the things I found / find challenging as a parent.

Some more food

I have reached the point of being famished most of the time with breastfeeding - so I raided our cupboard and found these bison snacks that were gifted to me at my baby shower.

I love trying different snacks from different cultures. This one is interesting, but good!

Oh and then a warm sweet eggy dish that feels very homey and close to my culture for me (I grew up eating banana and custard at my grandmothers house).

I am unwilling to compromise (any longer)

During pregnancy I made some organic cotton bras from ribbed organic cotton. I created the lounge bra patter to have something that is a bra / some support, but not tight and also made of fabric that is not harmful to our very absorbent and sensitive breasts. I love those bras, but right now I am wearing a bigger size and I am wearing nursing bras because we're in the newborn stage where my breast is out more than it is in (jokes, but you get the imagery).

See the lounge bra here

Since my engorgement I became desperate and just ordered whatever I could find on Amazon - which unfortunately meant polyester. I've been wearing those nursing bras for a while now and while they are comfortable, I am not okay with my breasts touching polyester for so many hours a day.

Breast health

I am big on general health, but with all the changes to my breasts during pregnancy, breastfeeding, back to pregnancy and breastfeeding I became particularly interested in breast health.

My breasts became a bit lumpy about a year & a half into breastfeeding and then this became worse in pregnancy. I was reminded by a friend that pregnancy and breastfeeding have a higher than usual iodine requirement, and that one of the symptoms of an iodine deficiency is fibrocystic breasts (lumpy breasts).

See the Lily Nichols article here (she wrote Real Food for Pregnancy & Real Food for Fertility).

It was immediately clear that since moving inland my diet definitely does not contain enough iodine. I brought in using kelp flakes and the lumps calmed down within a few days!

But what remained was my concerns about breast health in general - especially given that I have not been very health conscious for most of my life.

Fun fact - when I was 26, I went to a plastic surgery consultation because I serious considered a breast reduction. I ended up deciding not to do it because it was expensive and I was handed a long page of risks that scared me (I was considering it purely because my large breasts were and are impractical, no back issues). I am grateful I didn't go through with it - because I remember the doc saying it may or may not impact breastfeeding one day, but probably will (I know it doesn't for everyone, but still).

With my focus on breast health, I focused on the following areas:

Pure Healthy Deodorant - I've used natural deodorant since 18 (6 years), but natural doesn't mean healthy. In 2020 I found a great tallow one that worked well. Since moving to Canada, I couldn't buy that one and I ended up making a deodorant that works really well (see my blog on how to make it) or you can buy the one I make and use. Nonnegotiably I use pure deodorant because of how close our underarms are to our breasts. I use unscented for breastfeeding & pregnancy.

Kelp extract & flakes - A very small amount on or with food daily. For iodine.

Pomegranate extract - There was a study showing promising results for breasts from pomegranate extract and also pomegranate is good for hormones. So, I brought in having 1 tsp of pomegranate extract daily.

Progesterone (not the synthetic one) - I wish I knew years ago that ovulation is definitely not only important for pregnancy, but it is super important for our natural progesterone production. I was on the pill for 6 years and then spent a lot of time healing from that - including choosing years ago to supplement bio identical progesterone. See my discussion with Jacqui on bio-identical progesterone supplementation (hopefully a guide coming soon).

And lastly - which brings us back to today - the fabric that touches my breasts

I did not have the intention to take on big projects in the first 40 days, but I just don't want my breasts touching polyester anymore. Which led to me creating a nursing bra pattern and make a nursing bra while baby wearing little M or asking Ian to help out.

It isn't ideal doing a project like this feeling a little bit rushed, BUT it also is kind of ideal because I can often "overthink" projects and spend way too much time in the planning phase, where now I need to get this done.

I bought a whole lot of organic cotton fabric in pregnancy to make cloth diapers, bassinet sheets, inners for ear warmers and more. This grey fabric is a stretchy organic ribbed cotton.

and done! - with a little mistake because I was rushing (I forgot to sew the straps before closing the bottom, so the finish is not as nice as usual).

It fits and it is organic cotton and comfortable! So yay!

Next one I will make cover the breast more (the cross overs sewn more towards the back) and remember to do the straps properly, and maybe a litter tighter elastic across the breast. But yay! It worked and I am really happy to have at least one organic cotton bra I can wear in this time!!!

How to get projects done in the first 40 days?

Firstly, I want to say I do not think I would have been able to do a project like this if it was my first baby. There is SO much new when you have a first baby that I did not have any resources left for other projects.

So, if you're reading this and thinking you're definitely not able to do something like this in the newborn phase, here are some reminders...

1. Best not to compare - we can take inspiration from others (I love being inspired by others) but take from a "I am enough as I am" mindset and not a comparison one.

2. Subsequent kiddos come with new challenges, but for sure my capacity for doing things is much higher because this is not my first time.

3. My husband is making dinner while I work on this project - we all have different support. I don't have family here, but I do have a husband who is making food.

4. I have been sewing for a few months now, so although making a nursing bra is new to me - this is the 4th bra I am making, and I have been practicing sewing for a bit now.

5. Baby carrying... it is how I get anything done.

Now moving on to the next big topic for today...

Why we named him Marshall?

Funny story, but we would have saved ourselves countless conversations trying to come up with a girl name if we had checked the gender before birth. We love not knowing, so we if we have more kids we won't find out either - it is really wonderful not knowing. But wow - we struggled to come up with another girl name!

Backstory - Elba

As you probably know our other kiddo is Elba... with an E. I have to say that a lot. I picked her name (we didn't know she was a girl until she was born either). Ian gave me full choice on the first baby's name because well... I do the pregnancy and birth part of it.

I picked the name Elba years ago. I got it from the movie (the old one) The Count of Monte Cristo (p.s. my other favourite movie is Three Musketeers - so I clearly like the work of Alexandre Dumas). In the movie there is a part about Napolean Bonaparte being exiled to the Island of Elba and from hearing that I loved the name Elba.

And so our daughter was named Elba.

Island theme?

We considered it and actually looked into Islands when trying to find another girl name. But it is just a totally fun coincidence that there are also Marshall Islands (I didn't realize this until after we named him).

Not a family name, but named after someone

We have no one in our families called Marshall (that we know of), and while I am a bit How I met Your Mother fan - he is not named after Marshall from the show (but I will be taking the nickname of Marshmallow).

We had another boy name picked out that is an English version of someone in my family, but then one day Ian brought up Marshall and I loved it.

I like the name, but also it comes from...

Yup our little Marshmallow is named after Marshall Rosenberg...

Marshall Rosenberg was a psychologist who came up with Nonviolent Communication. I read the book in 2019, and it changed my life - literally. Ian and I both went on to do NVC courses to embody it more, and we've incorporated it into our lives, our relationship and how we choose to relate to the world.

NVC is a way of communicating... not just with others, but with also with ourselves. It is empathy and compassion - for ourselves and others. It is a way to listen for feelings and needs when people use hard to hear language. It gives us tools to connect to what we are feeling and needing, and then how to pose those to others through direct requests. It helps us to let people know what would be life enriching for us and to see ways that we can enrich others lives.

Over the years Ian and I continue to come back to NVC. We re-read the book, we read books that use the principles to expand on parenting approaches, and we love listening to old recordings of Marshall's workshops. While the content of NVC is truly life enriching, I do recommend listening to the audiobook or some of Marshall's work (there is a lot free on Youtube) - because for such a serious topic Marshall had a wonderful sense of humor and way of speaking that is very captivating.

What it means for little Marshall

His name will symbol to us to choose compassion and connection. When it hard and we don't "feel" like it - we will choose to listen for feelings and needs. We will choose to continue to work at changing how we communicate so that we communicate clearly from our feelings and needs and pose direct requests.

You'd think after all these years NVC would be second nature to us, but it is not... we are human. We were raised in a society with very different communication and approaches. There is a lot we work through in an attempt to show up the way we would like to. Marshall's name will be that symbol for us. Not something he needs to live up to - he can be whoever he wants to be. But we will know the value of his name in how we want to show up to life.

And that is day 27 and why our little dude's name is Marshall.

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