Day 35 - Urggg & "Am I a bad parent?"

Let's start this with the good news - I washed my hair! And morning cuddles (any time cuddles) with my babies are the best.

Okay now the frustration. It is funny, but also not ...

You know how I really wanted another bra otherwise I have the struggle of it being washed. So I made one yesterday?

yeah.... What you are seeing in the image below is that I the part where my body needs to go is sewn closed...

I by accidently sewed one of the back layers to the front..

So if you want to know what I will be doing when I get a chance to use both hands...

Yup unpicking it. Which is going to take me nearly as long as it takes to make the bra.

Moving on

It isn't a major thing. Just a bit of a frustration because I already have 5 million other not yet finished projects (like Elba's cow I am crocheting that is in a box outside our bedroom currently and many other wool item projects... ).

Something about this phase of life that I must remember though is that things can wait and not to become to attached to how I expect any given day to go. I find I flow better with that mindset and I am a better mom when I am not expecting my kids to do certain things so I can finish projects I decided I want to get done.

No more scrolling

Thank you friends on IG for my book list!

*It is growing as I get more recommendations.

I am starting with the first one and thank you! I did not know about the Gutenberg Project (free books) or how to load them on to the kindle until now.

I am quite excited to read more fiction instead of scrolling! I don't find that reading fiction takes the place of reading non fiction. I do both. But now I have something to read one handed while nursing or waiting.

Little change, but big change for my wellbeing!

And when I have two hands I am still unpicking..

But I am happy to share that M's outfits are working!

Am I a bad parent (light version)

In parenthood people often worry about being a good or bad parent. I am grateful to Nonviolent Communication because I don't have this worry. I consider if I am acting in line with how I want to/ our values, if my children are well, and other metrics. But I don't worry about if I am a good parent or if others think I am a good parent.

But today I had a funny - Am I a bad parent moment.

My brain is a little mush - "I just had a baby" so it is focused on other things and some things just don't get brain time..

Elba asked me to play music for her.

I just put on my playlist of "liked" songs and didn't think about it. It a good mixture playlist of some musicals and country music (mostly).

She sat next to me attempting to sing along to all the songs. It was really beautiful to see.

And then suddenly I realized in a moment of me just being like "aaah how precious" what she was attempting to sing along to!.... Some Eminem!

Lol and you know Eminem songs have some colourful language!

Anyway I had a moment of "oh crap am I a bad mom" lol.

On a more serious note - I don't care for such considerations "good bad" "right wrong". Just about whether I am living my best most authentic life and showing up always - soft front, hard bad, and with true awareness rather than living my life worrying about my ego or my defenses.

I have been discussing this with Ian and a friend a lot lately - the real work is really being in touch with ourselves. Doing the Ego work. Being truly aware of where our thoughts and actions come from. Responding and not reacting.

On that note I spoke about how I like to connect - I do lots of video calls, but I also do lots of texting. I have long voice note chats with people and I have long texts with people (even people who live less than 3 minute drive from me).

I know some people say they are not a phone person (as in not good with messages) and that is awesome if you're out there living life not being on a device... but I am a phone person when it comes to connection. I like to connect. I prioritize it. I will respond when I am tired or limited on time. I will make time. I really value connection and in our modern world it means through the phone.

And that is day 35!

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