Day 36 - Starting to venture out

I didn't decide on a particular day to start venturing out, but today I felt like I wanted to and I am ready to test the waters of venturing out a little.

Staying home

The point of this time is to establish a sold foundation. To transition from maiden to mother or mother again, and for baby to transition from womb to world. The point is to be intentional about rest, nourishment, connection, the right level (and kind of) stimulation, and to be very mindful of our, and our baby's state.

A fussy baby?

It is a balance - we might feel ready to do things, but would that be good for our baby? In our case this time around - Little M appears more sensitive and more impacted by stimulus, and therefore we need to see how he responds to different things. And when I say more sensitive, there aren't necessarily obvious signs. It is small things like him being "fussy". Some people just think some babies are "fussy" and others aren't, some people medicate or use other means to attempt to suppress the "fussy".

For me - I observe. I journal what we did in a day and what may have impacted on my baby. As an example, some nature outings may be wonderful stimulus for a baby, but maybe it isn't. Things like crashing waves might be too loud. The weather outside might be too hot or cold, or windy. There isn't a right and a wrong with this - it is about us knowing what impacts on us, and also getting to know our baby and how things impact them.

Generally though, we can assume that nature outings in this time is good for us and baby. Simple outings like being under a tree and hearing birds.

Universal things to avoid

There are obvious things that would negatively impact on all of us - examples being excessive blue light (screens), lots of loud sounds, conflict, etc. Some things we may not want to admit - like social media use or blue light, or 'background sounds'. But the best thing for our wellbeing is to be open with ourselves about what is truly life enriching, vs just numbing or coping.

A TV being on all the time is an example. Some people say they need the background noise. I get it, but we can also all agree that it may be better to engage with why silence or simple life sounds isn't peaceful. Why is noise needed? We do know that constant noise is not good for anyone's attention span. Therefore, we can assume that constant sound would not be good for a developing brain (baby and children).

P.S. I also read that white noise is not good for babies either - not good for brain development, but also it is a safety mechanism for them to hear sounds (particularly us) when sleeping. We don't use white noise (or any noise) with our kids.

Back to the stimulus - I spoke about the impact of my social media use. I also have not watched any movie or series in this time (I don't want M near the screen for that, but also I don't want to be taking in all that stimulus).

And now for venturing out... I am going to dip my toe in it and see...

To the backyard with both kids

Elba wanted to play outside and Ian was busy. It is so important to me that my kids maintain love of being outside. So, when they want to go, I try to make a plan (especially here in Calgary where sometimes it really isn't practical to go outside in the freezing).

I went to the backyard with both kids by myself. To the backyard may not seem like a big deal, but remember where we live. Outside means many layers of clothing for all of us. And our backyard is also a flight of stairs down.

But even with that information it may not seem like a big deal because our society seems to have an expectation that we simply adjust to motherhood (and more children) and get on with things as if nothing huge changed. Except something huge did change, and it takes time to figure out how to do things again given that after birthing a kid we are an entirely different person.

Unintentionally we ended up visiting our neighbor

Our neighbor came out to us and invited us in. So unintentionally we ended up visiting our neighbor.

Elba really enjoys visiting our neighbor. And while the visits come with challenges (communication challenges - hard of hearing and language barrier), I think it is important that we keep elders in our lives. Sadly, Elba will not grow up around her own grandparents, or mine. And since moving to Canada, I have lost a grandmother, and my remaining grandmother is no longer in a state that allows for communication with her.

It may not be convenient to visit 'older people', but I think it is important. So, we do it - and I see how much Elba loves it, and I see how much energy Lady L has when she is with Elba. Her son has expressed that "it keeps her young" (he meant that it helps with her energy).

A visit to the neighbor is also a good starting point for me, because it is so close to home I can call Ian to come help or simply walk home.

First social outing - away from home

It also was not my intention to do this today - But I went on my first social outing away from home. So, there was one outing at 2 weeks PP for the midwife. The rest were walks around our neighborhood (and that one drive to the park that is 3 minutes in the car).

But today I decided to join Ian to meet up with friends at the Farmers Market for dinner and for Elba and their kid to play in the play place.

Many firsts with this outing again.

It was really cold compared to when we left at 2 weeks. That means all the challenges with that like starting the car before hand, getting M & Elba in their seats without jackets and coats on, and making sure they are warm.

Packing a diaper bag last minute to go.

Dinner out in public. We had grasfed beef burgers and tallow chips from Gemstone.

I wore real pants for the first time!

As in not PJs and also not maternity pants (I wore this at our 2 week outing). Well I think Ian says my tights are not real pants. But they are my usual. I am currently wearing my older ones that I stretched in my pregnancy & PP with Elba. I don't think I will fit into my pre-pregnancy ones just yet (not comfortably).

oh and I quickly finished the bra I was working on - I am super happy with it. I will work on uploading the pattern now that I am convinced it is a goodie.

Socializing

I haven't done much socializing in person and our last visit did result in me being a bit put off of wanting to socialize, but not for long. Because, like I shared, some relationships are easy going and easy in this time.

The friends we met up with at the market are not a super long relationship (we haven't known them that long), but it is very easy company. Very relaxed. The kids get on great and everything in general feels low effort.

This outing did not feel stressful for me. Yes, it took energy, but I did not feel stressed or like it drained me. It felt very nice to chat, watch Elba play and eat out in a place that I am familiar with and that feels nice to the sensors.

The stressful part

There were two things that I did feel a bit nervous about. The first was that it became super cold as we were leaving. Very windy.

When Elba was a baby I would warm up the car or at least sit in it and then put her in her seat from the backseat away from the wind and weather. Now with two car seats at the back I can't do this and I need to take M out the carrier in the wind and cold and then put him in. This was my first time doing it in the wind and cold.

The other challenge was - we drove home in the dark. You forget how little babies are and how tiny they look in their seats! I like to be able to see my baby in their seat and know they are comfortable and fine, but we drove home in the dark and I needed to decide between seeing little M or having a super bright light in his face.

I chose to not see him in the name of not having a bright light in his face - and just bend my arm backwards to hold his had on the drive (it was a less than 15 minute drive).

This again is maybe something people wouldn't consider a big deal - but it is. Ask new (and subsequent) mothers how many new things they need to experience with their new littles. And how much their body and brain is wired to consider all safety aspects and be so sensitive to their baby. These things matter, and impact on us... and if we can. It is best to ease into all the many things. I am happy I only did this at 5 weeks PP. And also that it was a generally relaxed outing so I could experience it without too much stress.

Concluding remarks

We don't need to worry about what other people expect of us. We only need to focus on what we feel up to and what we feel will be okay for our baby. Little M seemed good with the trip. He nursed just fine at the table at the Farmers Market.

I think it is good to keep a journal for however long PP with reflections of our state, what we did, and our kids. I keep a free hand journal of what I ate, supplements, my physical and mental state, big things I did, and then a section for both kids and if there is something to note.

Oh on that note - I am tired. I need more sleep. I need to nap or get more sleep somehow. I can feel it impacting me.