4 Months as a family of 4!

A cliche start, but seriously... how has it been four months? It feels like the days are going so fast. Which is such a different experience to when Elba was a baby. Then it felt like the days were long. And that is just one small way this 2nd baby experience has been so different.

BTW - Thanks for being here - I have felt so connected to everyone who reached out to me about these blogs. Women being real together is a unique beautiful feeling. So - thank you for being here with me!

Okay - Let's talk about how things have been as a family of 4. Little M was nearly 2 months old the last time I shared (the week after Ian went back to work). It took a bit of time to figure out a rhythm that works for us... but finally it seems like we have it! Finally seems like we've found our flow! Kiddos in bed at a reasonable time (almost) every night, feeling energetic and like we're really living it all and not constantly adjusting to all the new. And I never thought I would say this... but I get more done in general having two kids than I did having 1 and none (not all things... some things. I will share more).

Let's start where we left off.

Solo outings out the house with 2 kiddos

I eased myself into this. I assume you know this by now - I can do hard, but I do not do unnecessary hard. Outings were not necessary for me to do on my own initially, and when I was ready, I started with driving a few minutes to meet other moms for a walk outside where the toddlers could run really far but still be visible, no cars, no dogs, etc.

I shared so much about how there is a lot going on for us as moms - hormonally, but then also adjusting to this whole new life with a new being, while healing and caring for littles. Because I know this I knew that me doing an outing where I am solely responsible for 2 littles is a lot to process. Which is why I didn't do much of this until it started to feel easy... which it did. Here we are now... 4 months in and I do outings with the two of them without flinching. I solo look after them while Elba plays with other kids, and at times I have been responsible for little M, Elba and 2 other toddlers. I share this to say - don't rush into things.

Don't force yourself to do things that are not necessary - postpartum is a unique time. Things do settle and become easier. No need to rush or force it. And I am happy I didn't.

So back to when Ian went back to work. I only had two weeks and then my mom came to visit. So it sort of felt like I got into a flow-ish and then my mom came. But also we needed to get ready for a visitor.

My mom visiting

In preparation for her arrival, I made my mom an early birthday gift. Cashmere wool mittens (from thrifted sweater).

Shop my sewing patterns on Etsy

Oh on that note... I got a heavy duty sewing machine for all my up coming projects!

I used it so much! I'll share more on that in a bit, but I used it a lot, such that when the opportunity presented itself - I got a better one (all 2nd hand).

I am so happy I got them. I really did use the first one a lot (I said that way too many times now, but I am surprised I did). And then the 2nd one was a fantastic deal because the people are leaving Canada (for somewhere warmer #Igetit).

Now back to my mom visiting.

Getting family help is awesome, but...

We live so far from any family. My mom is the only family that has visited us. We are so grateful. It was also really lovely to have extra helping hands.

Elba loves my mom and she loved having so much 1:1 time that she wasn't getting with Ian being back to work and me finding my way with the 2 of them.

But... family comes with complexities and sometimes challenges. My mom is a very productive person. Very busy. Gets lots of stuff done. Good insights. Intense... (this is like me). So for the most part that is so helpful in this time where we need more hands, and family connection, but it is also challenging in some ways because we are still finding our way. We are still in a vulnerable time. Even though my mom came around 3 months PP - in hindsight I realized that we were still in a time where we needed more slow and softness. But in saying that we were attempting to be more efficient and figure out how to "do it all" so it definitely seemed from the outside that we were out of the major PP phase, but I realize now... we were still coming out.

My mom wasn't here long - we tried to do a lot in that time. Like celebrate Elba's 3rd birthday with a relatively big birthday party!

With the party being in our home we needed to make it presentable and also nice for many toddlers (the weather was not outside weather). I am so happy we waited. We celebrated Elba's birthday a month after her actual birthday so that it wouldn't be in the first 40 days. We gave a lot of thought to this, and I am really glad we waited. She didn't mind that she only had a party later.

I wouldn't have wanted little M around so many people. And I wouldn't have wanted to be around so many people. It turned out well to celebrate properly, and be present (plus how nice that my mom could then make it).

Back again to my mom's visit - sadly the time was also a difficult one with my grandmother dying in the time my mom was here.

My grandmother was busy dying in that every day we sort of expected it to be the day we get the news. Her dying continued longer that we thought it would and she passed after my mom had gone back to Spain.

Side note - I really recommend the book "Die Wise" by Stephen Jenkinson. One of the books that I found life changing.

I am now sadly grandparent-less.

Anyway - I won't go into more details about my mom's visit, but I will say this - family is complicated. Very life enriching and also at times challenging. I share only to say if you feel maybe alone in how you experience "help" or "support", just know - most people aren't sharing the complexities. They are only sharing the happy smiley pictures.

And I have the added thing of really missing family and often thinking of the cost of choosing to raise children so far away from them. It's hard.

But look how sweet - Elba learning to play chess from my cousin.

On that note ... let's talk about -

Staying connected, but also protecting our social space

I have at least 1 video call a week with family or friends from a far. I feel very connected, even living far away from them. I send voice notes, and updates. And reach out, etc. I have shared this before - we can all be very busy, but connection matters.

Now that being said... I have been more reserved with who and how I spend my physical time with these days. During pregnancy I go into a bit of a phase of being a little negative about people. I don't like it, but I recognize it has value - it gives me insight into areas where I am potentially not upholding boundaries, or areas where I am giving or engaging where I don't really want to, but the "people pleaser" in me says "I should".

Only now post-partum with a strong awareness of how important it is how I choose to spend my time and energy, and the people I choose to have in my kids' lives have I become a bit more reserved.

It's been an interesting one of making amazing new connections. But then being more restrictive with older connections that have become dynamics that I don't necessarily want to engage in right now.

Social for our other little

After a while I did start to wonder if I need to be more social for Elba's sake, but then I also remembered why it was important to me to have a winter baby - because winter is a slow time and not being AS social. As the weather warmed up - social for Elba picked up a lot!

So many meet ups at the park (we have a message group), hours and hours of play outside with kids living near us, and she is enrolled in sport that Ian takes her to (team sport). I feel like this is the theme of my blog - don't worry about rushing things. They'll happen.

When planning our conception, I had an ideal in mind and that ideal was a winter baby so that come Spring and better weather I was ready to venture out. And now I am living that... mostly.

We had a lot of snow and cold Spring days, but it is finally properly hot! yay!

Spending time outside

I found it difficult to spend time outside when Elba was a baby. I found it challenging to figure out how to take everything outside, dress her appropriately, and then potentially have a fussy baby that didn't want to be there.

*I was adjusting to new mom with Elba, but also it was our first Spring & Summer in Canada when Elba was little. We moved here in October, and she was born in February.

It's been much easier for me this time! I am realizing how intense first-time mom stuff was now that a lot of it feels easier! - like going outside, nursing outside (well this is hard in the cold), dressing my baby for the weather, etc. *First-time mom stuff and also adjusting to Canada.

Because we live in such a cold place I make sure to get outside every opportunity I can. I even went for a run... Like seriously.

I got this urge to run after many years of not running. I put on some running things, put M in the stroller for the first time and Elba on her strider bike (because it is faster than her pedal bike) and off we went! It was great. My pelvic floor felt a little tired afterwards, but mostly it felt great! I am not entirely sure why I haven't done it again. Maybe I'll do another one tomorrow.

P.S. I am currently working on sewing organic cotton bike shorts!

Another P.S. M was older than 3 months when I first put him in the stroller. It is important to me not to do this early, because I believe little newborns need to feel us (their mammas) against them as they adjust to the world. I only did the stroller when M was very clearly comfortable looking at me and being a bit away from me.

More time outside - We're having many meals outside. Lots of play time outside. And also, I decided that even though it might be challenging - we're doing plants this year (I tried when Elba was a baby and found it too much work, so I haven't done it since).

It might be challenging to water them daily, but so far so good (sort of ... some of them look sad). We planted them and even built a fence to keep rabbits out.

And if you are wondering HOW I managing to do all this.... the total game changer for my parenting...

Back carrying (and slip on shoes)

I got barefoot sliders* and that is great for quickly in and out the house, but more importantly - I learnt to back carry M when he was 2 months old! It was a journey.

*I got the Vivobarefoot ones - they are leather and zero drop, wide toe box and all that. I am currently on a mission to make our clothing all natural and healthy - including shoes. Which is why I got the leather ones.

Baby wearing

Remember the Meh Dai / Mei Tai I was given from our local Buy Nothing group? I went to our local Babywearing meet up to improve my ring sling wearing, and then also learnt how to use this.

But that meet up also inspired me to learn to back carry a newborn - this is typically deemed an advanced carry. I back carried Elba a lot, but only from when she could sit - in an Onbuhimo carrier (high back carry style). It is a bit more complicated for little babies - so I asked the women of Calgary baby wearing to teach me. How amazing that they organized a specific back carrying meet up for everyone else who wanted to learn.

I also got a wrap to practice front carrying with a wrap (so that I could learn to back carry) - I borrowed the wrap from the Calgary Baby Wearing Lending Library.

Here is a video of me wrapping Little M on my front

And then how amazing that someone gave me one from our local Buy Nothing Group.

I practiced a few times before the back carrying meet up (practiced front carrying) and then got some wisdom from the women at the meet up (and got to practice with a weighted doll before doing it with M).

I didn't think I would get into wrapping, but it is really great for the little bodies that are so soft. I don't like using structured carriers for the early days.

But that being said - I still do like some structure. The Mei Tai I received was too big for M. So, I ended up borrowing one from the lending library to try that for back carrying instead.

This is a Fidella Fly Tai and can set small enough for newborn body - Here is a video of my getting M on my back. I loved this carrier - which led to a lot of FB marketplace searching (the whole of Canada) and me finding two! One for M (baby/standard size) and one for Elba (toddler size).

Shop for Mei Tais on Little Zen One - use CARMENFOURIE for discount

I have been eyeing the DidyTai - a Mei Tai that can also be made smaller to fit a small baby. I just tried one from another women and loved it! But I need to convince Ian I need loads of the same type of carrier but different brands and slight changes (jks... but not really).

Since learning to carry M - I have literally put him on my back multiple times every single day! I highly recommend it. Like my biggest recommendation.

He usually does his first nap on my back while I make breakfast, put on the washing machine, clean up a bit, etc. And then potentially his last nap of the day as well - while I sew, garden, clean up or tend to Elba's need. With back carrying I can hug her properly!

And I can do things with her while doing the contact naps I feel are important when babies are still so small.

Like sewing with Elba - I am sewing + doing something with my toddler + having my baby sleep on me.

Since I prefer to use an Onbuhimo when babies are older - I don't see us using the toddler Mei Tai as much, but I did love that I found a really good deal one such that Elba gets one too.

Here is a video of me putting Elba on my back

I can't stress how back carrying M has been a game changer for my parenting. I was feeling quite apprehensive about doing the first year to year and half of baby again - our choice of parenting is so hands on for me (cloth diapering, elimination communication, breastfeeding from breast no bottle, no swaddles or pacifiers, no bouncy chairs or baby containers, no portable car seat, contact sleep/co-sleep, no screens, etc). And while I do all that by my own choice - it is a lot in between cleaning, working, marriage, social, and this time - having another kid.

I basically assumed that I'd be exhausted, just tending to needs and struggling to meet all the needs - but thanks to back carrying! It hasn't. I have been able to work on so many projects (still to come) and do so much more than I thought in terms of home and Elba.

And the exhausted - not exhausted, just a little physically tired while I build up strength to carry this nice big baby :)

Given my expectations - this has changed things for me so much. It isn't just that I get things done. I feel lighter and like I have more energy and freedom to move around while still having my baby close to me.

I do, however, still mostly carry on my front when going out and about.

And little M is a drool machine - so one of my projects has been creating and testing a drool pad pattern to be able to easily wash that instead of the carrier (pattern will be on Etsy sometime soon).

*Little M is now big and strong enough for my soft structured Sakura Bloom linen carrier.

I also tandem carry sometimes... not often because it is very heavy for my body to do it, but sometimes both babies need to be held.

And that is honestly how I am getting most things done! Baby wearing! Lots of it. In the house almost always back carrying, around the neighborhood - sometimes ring sling and then out and about the soft structured Sakura Bloom Scout. Oh and slip on shoes! They are a must right now.

Btw in the picture above I am wearing a 100% organic cotton shirt I got on sale for under $10, 100% linen pants I sewed from a free pattern & Youtube video upcycling Ian's work shirt that wasn't usable anymore, wool slippers I thrifted for $2 and the organic cotton carrier I got on FB marketplace for $60 + shipping. I am being resourceful about going all natural!

Now let's talk about doing things with two littles.

Doing things with two

Nap time

One of the things that has been a challenge is nap time - Elba is in the phase of sometimes needs a nap and sometimes doesn't. M really likes to take one long nap on the bed, so if he had his way - we'd all lie down together everyday.

For a while there I wanted an award every time I got both of them to nap at the same time (jks on the award, but you get me). Some days it went well. Some days I was so very frustrated and not the parent I want to be. There was one day I was so livid that I thought I might actually be fuming and giving off steam. Thankfully Ian was home to give every one some compassion.

I can't say I have it figured out - for a bit I stopped trying and just didn't expect Elba to nap but then she fell asleep one to many times around 4 - 5pm... So back to getting her to nap... but not everyday (sort of depends what time she woke up and if she looks tired). But still it is hit or miss. Just today I was SO frustrated - she seemed so tired, but wow did not want to lie down to sleep, but I was tired and M was sleeping on the bed. Urg it was hard - she eventually did fall asleep, but I hate when it happens after frustration from me.

I know this is a phase - so I am not to bothered by "figuring it out" in a rush - M is growing older and so is Elba. She may stop napping entirely. M may be fine with napping in a room downstairs. We will see. For now - he naps in the carrier, in the bassinet in the stroller (this is new - we take walks), on my lap, on the bed with me, and not yet on a blanket outside (I tried).

Going to the toilet

I was worried about this - I mean before Ian went back to work I did this once or twice with the two. But I was nervous about it.

So far it has been okay. Elba just plays around wherever I am. And downstairs M goes in the bassinet or upstairs he goes in the Snuggle me organic.

Annoyingly my digestion is still not back to super easy and regular. I decided to start a new magnesium supplement - magnesium citrate. But I couldn't find a pure one - so I got this:

It is magnesium carbonate and citric acid - it makes magnesium citrate. I add it to my water. It's been great. I mean I am not sure if it is working, but it is pretty easy for me to make sure I consume it daily.

Food and snacks

We're still doing the bulk prep - Ian does this bulk raw carrot salad for us. I just serve it daily out the water, add some oil, lemon juice and salt. Ian is also doing our meat cooking for the whole week on weekends (usually by braai).

It is working out well - I make salad and some other sides on the weekend that lasts for the first few days of the week. Then I make something else like pasta or rice to have with the meat. It is so much easier than cooking from scratch every day. We are still having good healthy meals and I am not spending all my time in the kitchen.

Irrespective of new baby - I don't like being in the kitchen for many hours a day in warm weather. I like being outside. Which is why it has been great with Ian doing the meat outside.

And we got Elba a mud kitchen so she is outside with Ian.

I am there sometimes too.

Thankfully now the backyard is green and not covered in snow. Wild how quickly things change that this photo was about a month ago.

I have also adjusted Elba's playsitter's role a bit - after discussions with her - because it isn't as helpful for me anymore having someone play with Elba (because Elba plays independently). Now Elba's playsitter does activities with Elba that are hard for me to do, but also some that are helpful for me. Like make these awesome granola bars

Granola Bars:

1. Sprouted organic oats

2. Organic coconut oil

3. Sugar / Maple Syrup

4. Dates

5. Coconut flakes

6. Sea salt

7. Optional add: Nuts and Raisins

And then Ian does the grocery shopping (except the natural shop - I do that with Elba and M because I like that shop).

With grocery shopping I have asked him to buy more healthy snacks - even if it costs a bit more - just for summer where we are out and about and need easy go to things for Elba. Usually we made from scratch - but for now, just a few more convenient purchases.

Snacks in the cupboard

1. Fruit bars (dried fruit)

2. Dried fruit

3. Nuts

4. Meat sticks (jerky, pepperoni, etc)

5. Organic cereal

6. Coconut oil chips

7. Sourdough crackers

8. Goodmade cookies

I haven't gotten back into baking consistently yet - just some crackers here and there. I just ordered some flour to get back into backing again.

I am managing to eat more consistently this time! I am happy with those efforts. Still room for improvement with hydration and liquids, but much better than when Elba was a baby. My weigh loss has been steady and not drastic, but I am mindful that my drastic weight loss last time was after 6 months. Breastfeeding is going well - I feel a bit drained if I haven't snacked enough and in the heat now - if I don't drink enough liquids.

Cloth diapering and Elimination Communication

EC is going strong! I will share more of an update another time.

I did detail my cloth diaper washing routine here. Cloth diapering is going strong too, but M outgrew all the newborn ones I sewed!

Newborn cloth diaper pattern

I made several diapers figuring out the perfect Size 2 diaper pattern and I am very happy with it.

Size 2 cloth diaper pattern

But the only issue I haven't made enough of them yet. I've been a bit absorbed with other projects. We still fully cloth diaper, don't worry - I just do lots of diaper free time (I would anyway) and rely on him using the potty (oh and our Disana diapers are getting used and soon he will fit Esembly Size 2 diapers that we also have).

I am unwilling to use the non-organic cotton diapers I have from Elba (I didn't know they weren't 100% cotton - I got greenwashed there). Like I said - I am on a mission to make our things natural (mostly organic).

Projects

I went through my closet and removed ALL the polyester items (not that many), but also ALL the organic bamboo items. A while ago I learnt that organic bamboo (viscose or rayon) is such a marketing lie that I fell for and that it is barely better than plastic clothing. But most of my clothes were organic bamboo and it is expensive to replace. I finally got to a point where I decided it is happening.

Here are several of the packages I made up with my bamboo and small business limited edition leggings (polyester) I gave away on our local Buy Nothing Group:

Several items through thrifting - especially our wool things and then I found some organic cotton shirts and hoodies.

Then several items on sale.

Got some more PACT items - specifically their leggings. I researched leggings high and low - these are the best (until I make some that is).

And then I am making lots of things -

I made some PJ shorts from the organic double gauze cotton I got to make the bassinet sheets for M. They're great.

I also made more of the lounge bras! Using my pattern (I updated it) - I am seriously loving these bras and only wear the ones I made. The lounge bras mostly, but then also the nursing ones.

I have also crocheted several animals as gifts for other kiddies. Like the frog below that was sent off to Ireland.

Pattern by Mama made Minis - I have used this book so much!

I didn't think that I would be able to do so many projects having a baby again (and now 2), but surprisingly I am. I think a huge thing is not being a first time mom. I am not spending as much time looking up parenting things, trying source whatever we need or want for the next phase (just digging it out from a closet or the garage now). Plus little M sleeps so well! I have so much more energy this time around, which I think is a few things, not just sleep. But sleep definitely helps.

More on trips out the house

I have found that I am really appreciating the 3 year gap - Elba does a lot herself, but one area I didn't let her be independent was in our garage. Our garage is unfinished and has huge nails sticking out (from the sliding on the other side). I did not let Elba walk around in the garage at all - it's like 100s of nails. I mentioned it to a neighbor and within a few minutes (literally) he brought over some wood and made it safe for her!

People are so wonderful! I really find when we are open to building community it sort of finds us. Or maybe we are just lucky to live around such wonderful people. I also appreciate that Elba gets to interact with people of different ages, especially with her not having family here.

I have also kind of figured out best way to get everyone in and out the car. It took a bit of experimenting.

For IN currently - I get everything ready by the backdoor. I load in M. I load in Elba. I put the things in. I put myself in and we go.

For OUT wherever we went - I take out M and put him in the carrier. I take out Elba. I get the bag and we go.

For BACK IN - I put Elba in and strap her in. Then the bags. Then M.

And when we get home - I do the bags. Then Elba then M.

When they both fell asleep just sat around waiting for them to wake up. Watered the plants next to the garage.

Where do we go?

I have no desire to do many solo adventures with two littles - mostly because we have lovely adventures at home or walking distance.

Our new thing, however, is the library!

Since Elba was little I have heard the library is a great place for moms and kiddies - lots of classes that are free, play area and of course books. I went to like one class when Elba was 1.5 years old and that was it. I mostly thrifted books (our house has way too many books - I have started to cull them). While I really do get the baby and mom classes - I admit that I do not like sitting around singing baby songs.

Okay - so for that reason I didn't frequent the library like most moms. Also I didn't grow up here so I didn't know how getting books works and I wasn't motivated to find out - until now! Elba loves books and I like reading books with her, but I do not love reading the same books over and over. We have so many, but I still find I want to try new ones. So I braved figuring out how the library works and now we are library going people! We've gone several times (me and the 2 kiddos) and we get a bunch of books to read that week and then new ones the next week. I am loving getting to read different books and not buying them!

Side note - My own reading

Remember I was reading fiction to not be on my phone as much while nursing? Yeah.. that hasn't lasted. I don't need to be awake in the night anymore, so I don't read in the middle of the night, and usually I am so tired by the time it is sleep time - I just go to sleep.

Or I've been working after the kiddos go to sleep (the photo is both of them napping). I have the standing desk set up downstairs, but also bring my laptop up with a portable desk stand - I have two because I use them a lot - a smaller one (the black one) and a bigger one (white one).

Another side note - Work?

Yes, I work. In between parenting, projects and home stuff - I also work. I am constantly just seeing how to fit that in with our current parenting choices. It changes with the work demands, but also with phase of parenting. More on this another time with how we are going about it - mostly because (vulnerable share alert) - work plans didn't go as planned after Elba was born and we moved to Canada. I planned to do a lot more, but then parenting was more demanding than I expected and Ian's health took a turn for the worst.

Now I am just figuring things out - since M has been born a lot of my time has been spent on patterns. Making them and uploading them to my ETSY store. Very different for me, but I am loving it.

I haven't yet gotten back into Youtube - hopefully soon. Haven't made any new books yet (some in the works, but standing still). I have done some emails and only this week gotten back into actual consulting again (as in meetings with clients) for my business Fourie Employment Relations.

The choice to not send my littles to daycare is something I feel strongly about, but lets not pretend that it doesn't come with a huge cost (we are essentially one income down). As much as talking about finances irks some, it is important to acknowledge that our decisions - spending habits, work, life style, etc has a financial component to it. We will continue to prioritize our kids being home, but we've also had an increase in focusing on finances. So, I work - when and how I can :) And I like it. I have always liked my work. I just still struggle with the balance. Sometimes I overdo it. Sometimes I underdo it. Rarely do I get the balance just right... working on it.

Health and wellbeing

And on that note... We decided as a family to test our Vitamin D - since we've been in Canada for 3.5 years and coming out of a VERY long winter. But testing Vit D in Canada is not so simple. We can't get a referral from the Doc because we don't have any symptoms that justify it and the usual "everyone in Canada is deficient". But we wanted to have some indication of where we are at and private testing is pricey - so look what I found:

Affordable - accurate (gives a range) rapid home testing kits off Amazon.

We all did them (not Marshall), and yup - we are all low on the Vit D. We intend to test again after Summer and see where we are at.

Marshall's dry skin

From basically birth M has had very dry skin. Hard to capture - but in the image you can see it pealing.

I worried a little that this would be a long term thing, but thankfully it has not. Here is what I did about it:

1. Delayed his bathing even more than I did with Elba. I don't bath a baby early anyway. Seriously they are not dirty. I do a warm cloth wipe down once or twice a day, but not submerged in water. I like to let their skin adjust to the world without being in a bath (it dries them out). With Elba I waited 6 weeks. With M I waited longer. I also put some jojoba oil in the bath.

2. Tallow - The only thing I put on his dry skin was whipped tallow (with jojoba)

3. I moved the floorbed away from the furnace vent.

4. Time outside in the sun (not direct harsh sun- morning and afternoon sun)

And that is it - now his skin is great! Here is before

I am relieved about this! It looked so uncomfortable for him.

My hair

I took this photo as probably the last photo for a while where it is thick and healthy looking - it has officially started to fall out. I am okay with it - I get it. It is part of having a baby. The only thing I changed is my brush. I got a boar bristle brush to try out.

The only thing that bugs me about the hair falling out phase is there is hair EVERYWHERE. And I always need to check M's fingers and toes to make sure my hair isn't wrapped around it.

And last thing - Elba got a Yoto

A friend got Elba a yoto mini for her birthday.

It has been lovely for her. She listens when I tend to M for him to sleep. We got her some cards where she has the physical book so she pages through the physical book as it is playing.

I'll share more about how we approach it in another blog for other parents who are thinking about it. I want to give it more time to see how things go (it's only been a month that she's had it).

And to conclude

Initially this felt really really hard - like harder than when I became a mother the first time. But now we are finding our way and so much of it feels easier. And I have so much more energy.

The main and hugest challenge I have - and I literally speak to mothers who share my pattern approaches with this daily about it - is how to navitage Elba being 3. How to show up as the parent I want to be. How to do my work to be that parent. How to rolemodel human, but have more patience than I currently do. How to avoid so much overstimulation, but also show up better when it happens. Many times a day I embody the parent I want to be, but also many times I do not.

But the biggest thing is - I always repair. I always talk about it. Hold space for her reactoin to my reaction. Explain things. Explain that under my anger is a fear if she runs so close to Marshall's head while he is on the floor. Explain that while I am allowed to have all my feels, how I treat her (and others) is what is important, and how I repair when I say or do things I later regret, and that she is always loved and safe.

Most days I wish I was a little more patient. A little softer or less rushed. Ian and I still have countless conversations about it.

We've made a lot of effort to make our home more efficient and to change things around our kids, so that our kids have more freedom and we are able to put our energy where it matters. But we are very much still on the road of figuring it out.

So if you're with us with that - sending you care and continued motivation to be the person and parent you want to be. No shame. Just living your best parenting life with your littles.

Thanks for being here.

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