Day 17 - A walk in the park

Okay ... more accurately a walk to the park. But with C helping us out these last few days... it has felt so much easier.

We are still experiencing warm weather for Calgary winter.

We planned for a winter baby

We intentionally planned a winter baby because I find having the actual season coincide with the season of life for me feels better - so being super pregnant, birthing and being in my cave with my baby feels like a winter slow season of rest.

It also makes it so much easier to stay inside, and then to venture out in Spring when baby is older. And it feels less restrictive for our toddler who would anyway be spending more time indoors.

BUT with this warmer weather I craved being outside. Outside in nature... not a mall or bright lights.

I put M in the wrap (I am still learning to use the ring sling) and we walked to the park for Elba to play. I am not ready to do this type of activity by myself with 2 kids. I also walked very slowly, and it isn't far (total trip was 1km).

The winter sun feels wonderful on our skin - warm, but not too bright for little M (who slept the whole time). Elba loved playing.

The only big concern I have is it is very icy still in places and a bit scary to walk with little M in carrier when there is a lot of ice.

Other than that it was great - my body felt a bit tired even from such a short walk. But that is because I am still healing, not because I am weak. Please remember to tell yourself that after birth when you are trying to push your body to do things that maybe it shouldn't be doing yet, or you're expecting it to feel better or differently - give it however much T&C and time it needs - please.

3 adults to 2 children

While we were on our walk Ian got started making rusks because I have been craving rusks (South African dried biscuit type thing that we dip in tea).

When C left to go to an event and it was just me & Ian with 2 kids that had feels at the same time it was such an experience! We both sat on the couch holding a kid and sometimes swapping them. We're really wanting to be present for Elba when she has feels come up, because this has been such a big change for her and initially we definitely weren't as patient as we usually are or would like to be with her. So, we want her to have the space to release all that she is feeling and experiencing.

And little M is coughing and wants to be held upright for most of the day. So we have our hands full when it is 2 adults and 2 kids.

So, when C returned - it literally then feels like a walk in the park compared to just the two of us.

To have more hands or not?

If you've watched my YT videos you know it is an intentional decision for us not to have my mom here in this time. So that Ian and I can figure things out and find our way - even if it is hard.

After we had Elba I loved that it was just the 2 of us figuring it out. Another person in that space would have felt helpful in some aspects, but I think like a bit much for that time.

THIS time, however, it has been so great having my friend C help us out for a few days at a time. She is so great with Elba and has been through birth and breastfeeding. Very calm, but helpful presence that doesn't feel like too much or invasive.

The decision to have more hands or not I think is very personal. I feel like we've hit perfect both times. The first time having it be just the two of us and Elba (Ian worked full time then through the first 40 days). And now having it be the 2 of us plus the 2 kids, but with friend support every few days.

And I would then love for my mom to come once Ian returns to work.

The point isn't for it to be easy all the time - it is good to adjust through challenges. The point is to have support not to drown, but be able to rise to the challenges and the new experiences. And figure out how we will be our little family of 4 when we return to our usual (whatever that will look like).

Other updates

The rusks are very nice!

Physical:

• Still bleeding

• Kids still coughing

Night shift

I haven't spoken much about this - I think this gets a lot of attention on the internet. The whole - sleepless nights thing). For me it is a phase of life. I wake up every 1.5 hours in the night and tend to M. I have my cart of supplies, beverages and snacks. I happily do this and do not want Ian or anyone else helping with it. I breastfeed and don't want to do the thing where someone else gives him a bottle so I get a longer stretch of sleep. If I need sleep I will nap in the day when he is napping.

Breastfeeding from the breast is important to me. I can expand on this later - but establishing supply is critical in this time, so I definitely wouldn't want to use bottles or pacifiers (but I also don't use them in general). AND breastfeeding has hormonal benefits in this time. Yes, I know it can be a very difficult experience for many, but for the most part if we are otherwise supported (someone else doing the other things) - it is a very beneficial thing for our wellbeing and our health PP.

I get help during the day so that I can do the nights and feel fine about doing it. I don't dread it. I don't feel resentful about it. And if I did - I would implement more support during the day or see what I could do differently at night.

I don't feel exhausted or sleep deprived I think mostly because I am not expecting my brain or body to function at my usual. I am not driving in this time. Not being super physical in this time. I am mostly sitting around having conversations with people who understand this time.

My tired parent time will come, but it is not now.

General

Down to 74.5kgs - again I think it is still the water retention going down and the body parts deflating.

Each morning I do a room reset (I now do it mysel), but Ian carries down the washing (because it is a lot).

P.s. we are do a load (or 2) a day kind of people.

Still bleeding. Still nourishing.

Both kids still coughing - I am monitoring it and it is not getting worse and they have no new symptoms. So just trying to support them to work through it. I have some congestion - so doing Vit C & Zinc.

Concluding remarks

Tonight is the last night my friend C will be here for a while. We are super grateful for all the support in this time!

And then it means tomorrow we need to get some things in place to be set up well for the week.