Day 4 - In Pain & Grumpy
- Carmen Fourie
- 4 days ago
- 10 min read
I wish I could say I forgot how painful and uncomfortable this part is for me - but no. Even at the idea of having another baby I thought about this and dreaded it. I hoped that if I tandem nursed it wouldn't be so bad, but sadly my milk dried up around 20 weeks pregnant, and Elba lost interest (nearly 3 so I guess that's to be expected).
Milk coming in is super painful and comfortable for me. My usual DDs swell up to the size of LARGE watermelons made of cement. I don't own a single bra that can fit this. Most of my shirts can't fit this. It is heavy and painful. It makes nursing difficult because they're huge, but also rock hard. Urrrrg.
And yes - I am grateful for a good supply, but this part is hard.
Engorged - how I am dealing with it
When this happened with Elba I did everything I was told / heard to do. This time around I could be a bit more intentional (and somewhat prepared).
What I do - honestly not much. It happens and will pass. The more I interfere the more I can cause it to be delayed or other issues. Although it is not a good idea I did pump ever so slightly just to get them down enough for Baby M to latch.
Pumping is not a good idea because the milk is a demand and supply system - if we pump, we are encouraging more milk. I need it to down regulate to how much baby is having.
The first day of this is the worst because my breasts aren't leaking (much) yet. Only once or twice. Once they start leaking, as impractical as it is - at least some of it is flowing out and that gives me some relief.
The main thing I do is warm cloth gentle massage or just warm cloth on them (ideally in the bath).
I took two baths today - both times I kept the organic terry cotton cloths on my breasts. The same fabric I use for the cloths in the personal care box for mom & baby. I made some larger ones in anticipation of this. I knew I'd want some cloths that can go over both breasts.
As a result of my huge breasts (and mostly them being hard - huge is impractical, but manageable) - we've had some less than ideal latches. The less than ideal latches resulted in some damage to my nipples (bleeding wounds / scabs). My first time nursing I only used lanolin as nipple support and nothing else.
When Elba was about a year old, she bit me while nursing by mistake and it tore a hole in my nip that was incredibly painful and hard to heal. I bought silver nip caps that worked wonders after trying everything else! It saved our breastfeeding journey!
Link provided for the silver nipple caps are similar, but not the exact same as mine. Mine are not available anymore. I think most of these products work the same and I don't find sizing matters much.
I used the silver nip caps again now and they are amazing for healing at a rapid rate! I will be using them for a while until my boobs soften up, because a shallow latch is bound to happen in this time.
I haven't used it, but I did order some topical arnica as per the recommendation of my midwife. It will arrive on day 5 and I will keep you posted.
Breastfeeding support
I have a lot of breastfeeding support. Before having Elba, I read the Art of Breastfeeding (called the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding when I read it) book by La Letche League. It is super helpful.
P.s. I have a whole list of books I recommend reading in pregnancy.
From when Elba was 5 months old I have attended the monthly La Letche League meetings. I literally attended one just before I hit 40 weeks. I like attending them and hearing other stories, and sharing with a community of people who prioritize breastfeeding (and often co sleeping too).
I also have many friends who have breastfed their babies and toddlers. I got lots of valuable insights and suggestions.
Breastfeeding knowledge is so valuable to ensure we don't do things by accidently that could interfere with the journey that we desire or what we value. I made a Youtube video about things to prepare for before baby and knowledge around breastfeeding is on that list.
The main thing is - this will pass. It just takes time and managing it in a way that doesn't interfere medium to long term.
I know this will pass. For me it probably takes a bit longer than the average. But it does pass.
No cold things - no cabbage leaves.
This is a warm time. Like I don't use cold / ice pads to heal after birth. I don't use cold cabbage leaves to heal through this. I am sure it provides temporary relief, but I am pretty strict on no cold. I wasn't my first time around and I had some experiences that have led me to be very strict about some aspects of the first 40 days - like NO COLD. Only warm organic cotton cloths on my boobs.
No pain meds
For healing after birth, I choose to not use any pain medication. Yes, I know radical choice in our current society that has many options for symptom suppression. BUT I think it is important in this time to heal as far as possible without pain meds.
Why? Because when we remove symptoms / don't feel them - it doesn't mean the body has healed. If we remove feeling pain (just like in birth) we are not getting the feedback of how best to move our body or not move it. We are bound to over do things if we don't feel the pain now. It is important to me to aid healing and definitely not unnecessarily suffer - but to stay connected to my body and get the feedback about how much or little to do or how to move or not move.
So, with my breast swelling - I have not taken pain meds for it. I took 5 x arnica pellets (homeopathy), but that is about it. While I think there is value in homeopathy, I don't use much of it. I think it can turn from valuable to another form of popping pills for everything (to state it bluntly).
I also don't use pain meds because I am breastfeeding :) Even if something is considered fine in small doses - I prefer no meds when breastfeeding.
*p.s. I do have a prometabolic health outlook / Ray Peat inspired and therefore I do see some meds in some instances as generally supportive of health (like Asprin). But I don't take Asprin post birth or really when breastfeeding.
Moving on
First bowel movement - it's a big deal
Okay Day 4 - first bowel movement after birth. It can be scary and uncomfortable. It was definitely uncomfortable after my first birth (it was on day 5). I took quite a lot of Milk of Magnesia to create a softer stool to ensure a gentler experience.
When it was ready to work I set up the area - the peri bottle (we also have a bidet but it sprays cold water), the step / squatty potty (we do have an actual squatty potty, but we use this step in this bathroom) and the snuggle me organic to put Baby M in (I needed Ian to come get Baby M midway - not great but oh well).
At least first bowel movement is done! I will continue to take extra care to ensure my digestion returns well (it didn't last time).
General house things
I am currently staying in our bedroom with baby M. Elba and Ian wonder around the house. We have a bathroom in our bedroom so I haven't left our room since birth, and I don't know when I will.
Ian has been doing many loads of laundry since birth - keeping on top of all the bleeding things, blankets that get messed on (milk leaking, blood, Elba messing food, baby pee or poop, etc), the cloth diapers, my many Pjs and baby M's clothing.
I 100% recommend getting on board with your partner about this time before this time - know what will be expected of who and how the partner can support this sacred time. Ian does so much in this time, but I also did my part to set up things in advance to make it easier and we have countless conversations about how we honour this time.
Many tell me I am lucky to have a partner that does all this - and maybe I am, but we've also spent years being intentional in our approach. This is our 2nd time honouring this time. Both times we spent countless hours preparing various aspects and having lots of conversations. This time we could prepare even better and have more directed conversations because we've been through it before.
My bedside cart
The content of this changes as our needs change. Since I do walk around our room - I will typically stock the cart (but often with Ian's help). Before bed I made sure it was stocked with cloth diapers, cloths, milk leaking pads, wet cloths in the wipe warmer and beverages for the night (oh and snacks).
Right now we are still finding our groove - so the content is changing frequently. Baby M has such a hard time with diaper changes. This is so different from Elba. No matter how comfortable I make it for him, he seems to have such a hard time with it. I assume this is the reason we are currently experiencing diaper leaks - I am probably rushing putting them on. But WOW - almost every single diaper has leaked. Which made things worse because then I have to change his clothing at each diaper change as well. Urg...
We'll find our groove with this... I will share more on this later. Especially with cloth diapering. I am just busy adjusting to this new being who is different from Elba and it has taken me a moment to catch up to that.
Family time
Ian and Elba have been having lunch and/or dinner with me in the room each day. This helps us stay connected as a family and means I have solitude for healing, but I am not lonely. We also all sleep in the same room.
For dinner we are having a stew made by my wonderful friend S - who has made us food twice now. Soup and stew and so many snacks. Her and her family came to put it on the stove for us and help me out a bit, and have Elba be social with her kids. I stayed upstairs during this time and had brief interactions. This is not a social time for me, but rather one of community. So bedroom chats of bonding and support. I am so grateful I have people in my life who recognize this time for what it is and know how just to provide care.
Food, Drinks & Supplements
Same supplements today:
Vit D drops (it is winter in Canada)
K2 - Lifebud (I have the capsules & the drops)
Food, beverages and snacks:
We prepare all grains we eat in a way to lessen the phytic acid / anti nutrients and improve the digestability. I am not consuming much grain in this time, but I am having oats.
The bison chocolate broth was given to us as part of a care package from a friend. It is such a warm, sweet lovely drink to have in this time.
Bison because we are in Alberta Canada.
Gifts and family time
We received another gift package dropped at the door today. It is really special receiving gifts in this time. My love language is primarily gifts. I love to give them and receive them. All gifts are appreciated, but in particular I love homemade ones in a time like this or even 2nd hand gifts.
In this gift package there was a homemade crocket bunny (Elba is obsessed), a stuffy, homemade lactation cookies, a creatively made card and an outfit for little M.
We also received two books from a friend back in South Africa. They made for some special family time before bed reading the new books.
Elba and I took a bath together before bed as a nice bonding thing (mostly she wanted to play with the peri bottle).
Tonight is our first night alone as a family of 4 as my friend C has gone back to her place. Elba was thankfully able to get so much 1:1 with C around and Ian finishing up working.
Ian is now officially on pat leave for 6 weeks!
When Elba was born we knew almost no one in Canada. And Ian had just started his job, which meant that he didn't have any time off. This time we planned things such that he can take 6 weeks off for us to honour this time.
It would be incredibility difficult to honour this time with a toddler without Ian taking off or some other kind of help - hence us making sure that Ian can take this time off. We were able to make it work with only 1 baby when Ian worked, but this time we didn't want to stretch ourselves in that way.
It can easily happen where this time is NOT honoured in the name of making sure other children's needs get met - I will cover this topic more on another day. It is important to our whole family to honour this time, because it is the foundation of our transition to a family of 4 and therefore needs to be a priority.
Concluding remarks
I did not feel weepy - amazingly I am feeling emotionally so grounded. I'll expand on this another day. I feel grumpy because I am in pain and discomfort, but we know the difference between a direct response to a particular stimulus vs a general feeling. I am just grumpy because I am in pain. And it also isn't thaaaaaaaaaaat bad.
See you on Day 5!
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